Tuesday, February 28, 2012
The Fisherman and the Doctor
A dOctOr in a smaLL bOat crOSsing tO thE OthEr iSland tAlks tO a fiShErmAn...
DOC: haVe yOu bEen in cOLLegE ?
FISHERMAN: nO,i haVe nO mOnEy..
DOC: yOu miSsed haLf Of yOur lifE...
DOC: haVe yOu bEen arOund thE wOrld ?
FISHERMAN: nO,i cAn't affOrd...
DOC: yOu miSsed anOthEr hAlf Of yOur lifE...
(sUddEnly,thE watEr EntEr thE bOat)
FISHERMAN: dO yOu knOw hOw tO sWim ?
DOC: nO!...
FISHERMAN: thEn, yOu miSs yOur "WHOLE LIFE"...
LeaRn thAt ...
nEvEr UndEr EstimAtE,,,
bEcAusE Each OnE hAs hiS/hEr Own strEnghtS & wEaknEsSes..
Let's trEat eVeryOnE with faiRneSs & EqUalitY...^-^..
DOC: haVe yOu bEen in cOLLegE ?
FISHERMAN: nO,i haVe nO mOnEy..
DOC: yOu miSsed haLf Of yOur lifE...
DOC: haVe yOu bEen arOund thE wOrld ?
FISHERMAN: nO,i cAn't affOrd...
DOC: yOu miSsed anOthEr hAlf Of yOur lifE...
(sUddEnly,thE watEr EntEr thE bOat)
FISHERMAN: dO yOu knOw hOw tO sWim ?
DOC: nO!...
FISHERMAN: thEn, yOu miSs yOur "WHOLE LIFE"...
LeaRn thAt ...
nEvEr UndEr EstimAtE,,,
bEcAusE Each OnE hAs hiS/hEr Own strEnghtS & wEaknEsSes..
Let's trEat eVeryOnE with faiRneSs & EqUalitY...^-^..
The Dollar
A tired man came home late from his whole day hard work. His 5 year old son was waiting for him at the door.
Son- Dad, May I ask You a Question ?
Dad- ya
Son- Dad, How much do you make an hour?
Dad - that's not your business.
Son- Please tell me.
Dad- $20 per hour.
Son- Dad, May I please borrow $10 .?
Dad Got Angry 'n shouted on the kid to go to the bed. The little boy went to the room 'n shut the door.
After sometime man got calm 'n he went to kid's room 'n said - Sorry for being so hard. Here's Your $10 you asked for.
Kid smiled - "ohhh... Thank You So Much daddy!"
Then boy took out some coins he had kept under the pillow, he counted them 'n said-
"Dad, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early Tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with You."
Moral - Please Give time to People who love You.. !!
Son- Dad, May I ask You a Question ?
Dad- ya
Son- Dad, How much do you make an hour?
Dad - that's not your business.
Son- Please tell me.
Dad- $20 per hour.
Son- Dad, May I please borrow $10 .?
Dad Got Angry 'n shouted on the kid to go to the bed. The little boy went to the room 'n shut the door.
After sometime man got calm 'n he went to kid's room 'n said - Sorry for being so hard. Here's Your $10 you asked for.
Kid smiled - "ohhh... Thank You So Much daddy!"
Then boy took out some coins he had kept under the pillow, he counted them 'n said-
"Dad, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early Tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with You."
Moral - Please Give time to People who love You.. !!
The Divorce
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sunday, February 26, 2012
sometimes
Sometimes we know our mistakes
but we don't confess,
Sometimes we know our wrong deeds
but we don't try to correct them,
...
Sometimes we lose the one we love
but we never ask to start again,
Sometimes we do realize that we are hurting someone
but we never say sorry,
Sometimes we see our defeat
but we don't accept it,
because sometimes we forget to consider & compromise..
and when we realize its importance,
It's Too Late.....
Always Do 'n say what You feel ..
before You lose someone..
but we don't confess,
Sometimes we know our wrong deeds
but we don't try to correct them,
...
Sometimes we lose the one we love
but we never ask to start again,
Sometimes we do realize that we are hurting someone
but we never say sorry,
Sometimes we see our defeat
but we don't accept it,
because sometimes we forget to consider & compromise..
and when we realize its importance,
It's Too Late.....
Always Do 'n say what You feel ..
before You lose someone..
Saturday, February 25, 2012
STUPID THINGS PEOPLE ALWAYS DO
as posted in facebook page https://www.facebook.com/HAHA.ASMN
10. Maghintay ng taong nakatadhana sa 'yo.
9. Magpakatanga sa taong walang kwenta.
8. Pakawalan ang taong nagmamahal sa 'yo ng sobra.
7. Magkagusto sa taong hinde para sa 'yo.
6. Palagpasin ang mga pagkakataon para maging masaya.
5. Magpanggap na hinde mo sya mahal kahit nasasaktan ka na.
4. Magmahal kahit walang kapalit.
3. Maging tulay sa taong mahal mo sa taong mahal nya.
2. Pakawalan ang taong sobra mong mahal.
1. TUMAWA PERO ANG TOTOO NAIIYAK KA NA.
10. Maghintay ng taong nakatadhana sa 'yo.
9. Magpakatanga sa taong walang kwenta.
8. Pakawalan ang taong nagmamahal sa 'yo ng sobra.
7. Magkagusto sa taong hinde para sa 'yo.
6. Palagpasin ang mga pagkakataon para maging masaya.
5. Magpanggap na hinde mo sya mahal kahit nasasaktan ka na.
4. Magmahal kahit walang kapalit.
3. Maging tulay sa taong mahal mo sa taong mahal nya.
2. Pakawalan ang taong sobra mong mahal.
1. TUMAWA PERO ANG TOTOO NAIIYAK KA NA.
Friday, February 24, 2012
some words of wisdom
words of wisdom
HATE has 4 letters, but so does LOVE..
ENEMIES has 7 letters, but so does FRIENDS..
LYING has 5 letters, but so does TRUTH..
ENEMIES has 7 letters, but so does FRIENDS..
LYING has 5 letters, but so does TRUTH..
HURT has 4 letters, but so does HEAL..
Transform every negative energy into an aura of positivity..
It’s our perception that makes the difference in the way we feel…
Faith and Trust to our Creator help in attaining these transformations!
words of wisdom
- before you say “I can’t.”, make sure you’ve tried.
- before you let doubts stop you, confront them with facts.
- before fear holds you back, go forward with faith.
- before you believe others are better, show them your best.
- before you dismiss your dreams, wait until they’ve come true.
- before you go looking for happiness, make your own wherever you are.
Transform every negative energy into an aura of positivity..
It’s our perception that makes the difference in the way we feel…
Faith and Trust to our Creator help in attaining these transformations!
words of wisdom
- before you say “I can’t.”, make sure you’ve tried.
- before you let doubts stop you, confront them with facts.
- before fear holds you back, go forward with faith.
- before you believe others are better, show them your best.
- before you dismiss your dreams, wait until they’ve come true.
- before you go looking for happiness, make your own wherever you are.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Jokes..jokes..jokes
jokes as posted in the facebook of dani eid..
---o0o---
A Drunk Guy in the Cinema with His gf screams: Where is Mine!!! My dick has disappeared!!??
His gf: Omg Be Silent!!! Ur Hand is Inside my pant Not Urs
---o0o---
Young Girl went to pharmacy to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: which size u need?
Girl: All sizes as i have a School trip...
---o0o---
Bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told when you feel yourself cumming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went. Bloke says not good. We were in a 69 felt myself start to cum, so i fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock & the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!
---o0o---
Indian having sex with a prostitute, during intercourse every now n then he pauses for 10 seconds then continues.
The woman was furious, she asked him: what the hell r u doing?
The indian replied: I saw this in a porn movie on the internet, its called buffering X_X
---o0o---
GF: Honey what r u doing?
BF Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Babe. And you, Sweetheart?
GF: In the club, standing behind you!
---o0o---
A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me, Father. Last night I made love to 21yr old twin sisters, in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again."
The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies, "Buy 7 lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it."
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it'll wipe that fucking smile off your face!"
---o0o---
A Greek & an Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women.
---o0o---
Son: daddy a guy in the school is saying that im GAY!!
Dad: And Why u didnt slam Him?
Son: noooo way he's so cute!
---o0o---
A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:
"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"
"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"
---o0o---
Teacher: what do u Know about napoleon?
Student: Nothing
Teacher: take more Care of Ur studies
Student: what do u Know about suzi?
Teacher: Nothing
Student: take more Care about Ur Husband...
---o0o---
A sexy rich prostitute filed I.T. Returns showing 120000$ yearly income. In the space that asked NATURE OF JOB, she wrote- DEMOLITION OF ILLEGAL ERECTIONS!
---o0o---
---o0o---
A Drunk Guy in the Cinema with His gf screams: Where is Mine!!! My dick has disappeared!!??
His gf: Omg Be Silent!!! Ur Hand is Inside my pant Not Urs
---o0o---
Young Girl went to pharmacy to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: which size u need?
Girl: All sizes as i have a School trip...
---o0o---
Bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told when you feel yourself cumming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went. Bloke says not good. We were in a 69 felt myself start to cum, so i fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock & the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!
---o0o---
Indian having sex with a prostitute, during intercourse every now n then he pauses for 10 seconds then continues.
The woman was furious, she asked him: what the hell r u doing?
The indian replied: I saw this in a porn movie on the internet, its called buffering X_X
---o0o---
GF: Honey what r u doing?
BF Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Babe. And you, Sweetheart?
GF: In the club, standing behind you!
---o0o---
A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me, Father. Last night I made love to 21yr old twin sisters, in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again."
The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies, "Buy 7 lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it."
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it'll wipe that fucking smile off your face!"
---o0o---
A Greek & an Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women.
---o0o---
Son: daddy a guy in the school is saying that im GAY!!
Dad: And Why u didnt slam Him?
Son: noooo way he's so cute!
---o0o---
A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:
"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"
"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"
---o0o---
Teacher: what do u Know about napoleon?
Student: Nothing
Teacher: take more Care of Ur studies
Student: what do u Know about suzi?
Teacher: Nothing
Student: take more Care about Ur Husband...
---o0o---
A sexy rich prostitute filed I.T. Returns showing 120000$ yearly income. In the space that asked NATURE OF JOB, she wrote- DEMOLITION OF ILLEGAL ERECTIONS!
---o0o---
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
A Government Employee
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Monday, February 20, 2012
Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie WarePlatinum Quality Author
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.We cannot control the reactions of others. However, people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, but in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.We cannot control the reactions of others. However, people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, but in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
Friday, February 17, 2012
I love you for a thousand years
been listening to this music like everynight..
"A Thousand Years"
CHRISTINA PERRI
(Verse 1)
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
(Verse 2)
Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
"A Thousand Years"
CHRISTINA PERRI
(Verse 1)
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
(Verse 2)
Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
Relationships 101
Seven Keys to a great relationship:
Friendship,
Freedom,
Honesty,
Trust,
Understanding,
Time,
Communication
Friendship,
Freedom,
Honesty,
Trust,
Understanding,
Time,
Communication
STOP and LISTEN
THIS IS AWESOME. PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ:
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Meaning of Flowers
although the article wasn't comprehensive enough..it gives a fresh look on the meaning of valentine's day..
Meanings of 10 Valentine's Day Flowers
By Amanda Greene Kelly, Woman's Day
Whether you’re planning to give—or hoping to receive—flowers this Valentine’s Day, brushing up on the meaning behind the blooms will likely inform your choices or heighten your appreciation of your sweet-smelling gift. Think a rose is just a rose? Read on to find out what 10 popular Valentine’s Day flowers really symbolize.
Meanings of 10 Valentine's Day Flowers
By Amanda Greene Kelly, Woman's Day
Whether you’re planning to give—or hoping to receive—flowers this Valentine’s Day, brushing up on the meaning behind the blooms will likely inform your choices or heighten your appreciation of your sweet-smelling gift. Think a rose is just a rose? Read on to find out what 10 popular Valentine’s Day flowers really symbolize.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
7 Lovely Logics
1- Make peace with your past so it doesn't spoil your present.
2- What others think of you is none of your business.
3- Time heals almost everything, give the time, some time.
4- No one is the reason of your happiness except you yourself.
5- Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.
6- Stop thinking too much, its alright not to know all the answers.
7- Smile, you don't own all the problems in the world.
as posted in facebook by alberto casing..
2- What others think of you is none of your business.
3- Time heals almost everything, give the time, some time.
4- No one is the reason of your happiness except you yourself.
5- Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.
6- Stop thinking too much, its alright not to know all the answers.
7- Smile, you don't own all the problems in the world.
as posted in facebook by alberto casing..
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
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