Jokes..jokes..jokes

jokes as posted in the facebook of dani eid..

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A Drunk Guy in the Cinema with His gf screams: Where is Mine!!! My dick has disappeared!!??
His gf: Omg Be Silent!!! Ur Hand is Inside my pant Not Urs

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Young Girl went to pharmacy to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: which size u need?
Girl: All sizes as i have a School trip...

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Bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told when you feel yourself cumming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went. Bloke says not good. We were in a 69 felt myself start to cum, so i fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock & the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!

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Indian having sex with a prostitute, during intercourse every now n then he pauses for 10 seconds then continues.
The woman was furious, she asked him: what the hell r u doing?
The indian replied: I saw this in a porn movie on the internet, its called buffering X_X

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GF: Honey what r u doing?
BF Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Babe. And you, Sweetheart?
GF: In the club, standing behind you!

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A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me, Father. Last night I made love to 21yr old twin sisters, in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again."
 The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies, "Buy 7 lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it."
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it'll wipe that fucking smile off your face!"

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A Greek & an Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women.

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Son: daddy a guy in the school is saying that im GAY!!
Dad: And Why u didnt slam Him?
Son: noooo way he's so cute!

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A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:
"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"
"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"

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Teacher: what do u Know about napoleon?
Student: Nothing
Teacher: take more Care of Ur studies
Student: what do u Know about suzi?
Teacher: Nothing
Student: take more Care about Ur Husband...

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A sexy rich prostitute filed I.T. Returns showing 120000$ yearly income. In the space that asked NATURE OF JOB, she wrote- DEMOLITION OF ILLEGAL ERECTIONS!

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