jokes as posted in the facebook of dani eid..
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A Drunk Guy in the Cinema with His gf screams: Where is Mine!!! My dick has disappeared!!??
His gf: Omg Be Silent!!! Ur Hand is Inside my pant Not Urs
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Young Girl went to pharmacy to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: which size u need?
Girl: All sizes as i have a School trip...
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Bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told when you feel yourself cumming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went. Bloke says not good. We were in a 69 felt myself start to cum, so i fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock & the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!
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Indian having sex with a prostitute, during intercourse every now n then he pauses for 10 seconds then continues.
The woman was furious, she asked him: what the hell r u doing?
The indian replied: I saw this in a porn movie on the internet, its called buffering X_X
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GF: Honey what r u doing?
BF Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Babe. And you, Sweetheart?
GF: In the club, standing behind you!
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A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me, Father. Last night I made love to 21yr old twin sisters, in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again."
The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies, "Buy 7 lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it."
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it'll wipe that fucking smile off your face!"
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A Greek & an Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women.
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Son: daddy a guy in the school is saying that im GAY!!
Dad: And Why u didnt slam Him?
Son: noooo way he's so cute!
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A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:
"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"
"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"
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Teacher: what do u Know about napoleon?
Student: Nothing
Teacher: take more Care of Ur studies
Student: what do u Know about suzi?
Teacher: Nothing
Student: take more Care about Ur Husband...
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A sexy rich prostitute filed I.T. Returns showing 120000$ yearly income. In the space that asked NATURE OF JOB, she wrote- DEMOLITION OF ILLEGAL ERECTIONS!
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Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
A Government Employee
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
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