I like your thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" 

She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking." 

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Grandma is driving

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper..

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love,

Grandma

A Golden Love Story

A little old couple walked slowly into a fast food chain one cold winter evening.

They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.

Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking:

"Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal.

The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray.

There was one hamburger, one order of  french fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife.

Then he carefully counted out the french fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were saying. - "They were used to sharing everything."

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing.

She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink.

A young man came over and begged them to let him buy them another meal.

The lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.

What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered,

"THE TEETH"

Pinoy Jokes: Ang Libro

Isang gabi may lalaking nasiraan ng kotse sa isang liblib na bayan.

Sa tapat ng sementeryo may puno ng balete.

May lumapit na matandang babae may ibinibentang isang libro sa halagang 2,000php..

Namamahalan sya pero napilitan nyang bilhin sa takot.

sabi ng matanda,
"WAG MONG TITIGNAN ANG HULING PAHINA KUNDI MAGSISISI KA"

Tapos nawala ang matanda!

Umandar ang kotse.

Sa bahay di sya makatulog.

Kinuha ang libro, at tiningnan ang huling pahina.

nakasulat:

NATIONAL BOOKSTORE

P39.50 only :-D

Defective Parrot

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch.

It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. " You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
     
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the UPS man."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the UPS man delivered  a package today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes.  Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over ...."

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got an erection and fell off my perch!"

If this doesn't make you laugh, you're having a really bad day...

pinoy jokes (1)

_ _ _ oo0oo _ _ _


may isang lalake na nakaimbento ng robot na humuhuli ng magnanakaw..


para mapakinabangan nila ito dinala nila ito sa iba't-ibang bansa..


dinala sa america - wala pang 10 minutes nakahuli agad ng 5 na magnanakaw..


tapos dinala sa japan - wala pang 15 minutes nakahuli ng 10 na magnanakaw..


nang dinala sa pilipinas - wala pang 1 minute..
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ninakaw ang "robot"


hahaha, it's more fun in the philippines...




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sa isang kaharian sinabi ng hari na kung sino makakalangoy sa ilog na madaming buwaya ay pagpipiliin nya sa dalawa,


prinsesa or kayamanan


natakot ang mga kalalakihan sa dami ng buwaya


biglang tumalon ang isang lalake at ligtas na nakatawid sa ilog


hari: magaling! magaling..


ano gusto mo prinsesa or kayamana?


lalake: wala ako pakialam sa anak mo o sa kayamanan mo, ang gusto ko malaman
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eh kung sino ang nagtulak sa akin..walang hiya un..muntik na akong mamatay..


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LOGIC QUESTION:


dapat isang beses lang ibababa at wag ng ibabalik, pwede gumamit ng calculator..


bawal dayain ang sarili at wag magmumura..


ready?


may P100 ka


nawala ung 1.50


bumili ka ng 3 candy 0.75 each


nakapulot ka ng 5.00


nahulog ung 0.25 sa kanal


bumili ka ng 3 biscuit 3.50 isa


nag-ipit kang 0.50 sa wallet mo


tsaka 10.75 hinulog mo sa alkansya


ngayon


relax!


simple lang ang tanong
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ok ka lang ba?...


ingatz ka!!


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Jokes..jokes..jokes

jokes as posted in the facebook of dani eid..

 ---o0o---

A Drunk Guy in the Cinema with His gf screams: Where is Mine!!! My dick has disappeared!!??
His gf: Omg Be Silent!!! Ur Hand is Inside my pant Not Urs

---o0o---

Young Girl went to pharmacy to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: which size u need?
Girl: All sizes as i have a School trip...

---o0o---

Bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told when you feel yourself cumming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went. Bloke says not good. We were in a 69 felt myself start to cum, so i fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock & the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!

---o0o---

Indian having sex with a prostitute, during intercourse every now n then he pauses for 10 seconds then continues.
The woman was furious, she asked him: what the hell r u doing?
The indian replied: I saw this in a porn movie on the internet, its called buffering X_X

---o0o---


GF: Honey what r u doing?
BF Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Babe. And you, Sweetheart?
GF: In the club, standing behind you!

---o0o---

A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me, Father. Last night I made love to 21yr old twin sisters, in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again."
 The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies, "Buy 7 lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it."
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it'll wipe that fucking smile off your face!"

---o0o---


A Greek & an Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women.

---o0o---

Son: daddy a guy in the school is saying that im GAY!!
Dad: And Why u didnt slam Him?
Son: noooo way he's so cute!

---o0o---


A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:
"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"
"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"

---o0o---

Teacher: what do u Know about napoleon?
Student: Nothing
Teacher: take more Care of Ur studies
Student: what do u Know about suzi?
Teacher: Nothing
Student: take more Care about Ur Husband...

---o0o---


A sexy rich prostitute filed I.T. Returns showing 120000$ yearly income. In the space that asked NATURE OF JOB, she wrote- DEMOLITION OF ILLEGAL ERECTIONS!

---o0o---

Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you  cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

A Government Employee

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says.

"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."