jokes as posted in the facebook of dani eid..
---o0o---
A Drunk Guy in the Cinema with His gf screams: Where is Mine!!! My dick has disappeared!!??
His gf: Omg Be Silent!!! Ur Hand is Inside my pant Not Urs
---o0o---
Young Girl went to pharmacy to buy condoms.
Pharmacist: which size u need?
Girl: All sizes as i have a School trip...
---o0o---
Bloke goes to doctor having problems with premature ejaculation. He is told when you feel yourself cumming give yourself a fright by firing a starter pistol in air to prolong the sex. 2 days later the doctor sees him again and asks how it went. Bloke says not good. We were in a 69 felt myself start to cum, so i fired the gun. My wife shit in my face, bit the end off my cock & the milkman came out the wardrobe with his hands up!
---o0o---
Indian having sex with a prostitute, during intercourse every now n then he pauses for 10 seconds then continues.
The woman was furious, she asked him: what the hell r u doing?
The indian replied: I saw this in a porn movie on the internet, its called buffering X_X
---o0o---
GF: Honey what r u doing?
BF Nothing much, really tired! Just going to sleep now, Babe. And you, Sweetheart?
GF: In the club, standing behind you!
---o0o---
A man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me, Father. Last night I made love to 21yr old twin sisters, in positions that I think are illegal, over and over again."
The priest thinks for a few minutes and replies, "Buy 7 lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and then drink it."
"Will this cleanse me of my sin?" asks the man.
"No," says the priest, "but it'll wipe that fucking smile off your face!"
---o0o---
A Greek & an Italian were arguing over who is superior.
Greek: We gave sex to the world.
Italians: Yes you did, but we introduced it to women.
---o0o---
Son: daddy a guy in the school is saying that im GAY!!
Dad: And Why u didnt slam Him?
Son: noooo way he's so cute!
---o0o---
A blonde was driving down the Freeway when her Mobile phone rang.
It was her husband warning her:
"Darling", he said, "I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way down the Freeway. Please be careful!"
"Its not just one car", cried the blonde, "There's fucking hundreds of them!"
---o0o---
Teacher: what do u Know about napoleon?
Student: Nothing
Teacher: take more Care of Ur studies
Student: what do u Know about suzi?
Teacher: Nothing
Student: take more Care about Ur Husband...
---o0o---
A sexy rich prostitute filed I.T. Returns showing 120000$ yearly income. In the space that asked NATURE OF JOB, she wrote- DEMOLITION OF ILLEGAL ERECTIONS!
---o0o---
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'But I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good gorgeous and help with housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just
across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
A Government Employee
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."
Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says.
"For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Monday, February 20, 2012
Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie WarePlatinum Quality Author
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.We cannot control the reactions of others. However, people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, but in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn't work so hard.This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.We cannot control the reactions of others. However, people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, but in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to themselves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
Friday, February 17, 2012
I love you for a thousand years
been listening to this music like everynight..
"A Thousand Years"
CHRISTINA PERRI
(Verse 1)
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
(Verse 2)
Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
"A Thousand Years"
CHRISTINA PERRI
(Verse 1)
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
(Verse 2)
Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
(Chorus)
I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
Relationships 101
Seven Keys to a great relationship:
Friendship,
Freedom,
Honesty,
Trust,
Understanding,
Time,
Communication
Friendship,
Freedom,
Honesty,
Trust,
Understanding,
Time,
Communication
STOP and LISTEN
THIS IS AWESOME. PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO READ:
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man noticed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Meaning of Flowers
although the article wasn't comprehensive enough..it gives a fresh look on the meaning of valentine's day..
Meanings of 10 Valentine's Day Flowers
By Amanda Greene Kelly, Woman's Day
Whether you’re planning to give—or hoping to receive—flowers this Valentine’s Day, brushing up on the meaning behind the blooms will likely inform your choices or heighten your appreciation of your sweet-smelling gift. Think a rose is just a rose? Read on to find out what 10 popular Valentine’s Day flowers really symbolize.
Meanings of 10 Valentine's Day Flowers
By Amanda Greene Kelly, Woman's Day
Whether you’re planning to give—or hoping to receive—flowers this Valentine’s Day, brushing up on the meaning behind the blooms will likely inform your choices or heighten your appreciation of your sweet-smelling gift. Think a rose is just a rose? Read on to find out what 10 popular Valentine’s Day flowers really symbolize.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
7 Lovely Logics
1- Make peace with your past so it doesn't spoil your present.
2- What others think of you is none of your business.
3- Time heals almost everything, give the time, some time.
4- No one is the reason of your happiness except you yourself.
5- Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.
6- Stop thinking too much, its alright not to know all the answers.
7- Smile, you don't own all the problems in the world.
as posted in facebook by alberto casing..
2- What others think of you is none of your business.
3- Time heals almost everything, give the time, some time.
4- No one is the reason of your happiness except you yourself.
5- Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.
6- Stop thinking too much, its alright not to know all the answers.
7- Smile, you don't own all the problems in the world.
as posted in facebook by alberto casing..
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Life's Statistics
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT
Sunday, December 25, 2011
The Embassy
The US Embassy in the Philippines
This is a true story taken from one of the most read newspapers in the Philippines.
A 70-year old 'lolo' from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview.
The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him.
The Consul told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.
"Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?"
The grandson translated
"Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon."
"He said he wants to see his children there."
Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated.
The Consul had another question. "Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can't his children just come and visit him here?"
The grandson translated this in Tagalog.
Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay."
(Translation: "Tell him, my children were born here. They've seen the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.")
The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application "because the applicant was unable to speak any word of English."
"Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles."
The lolo was equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko: "Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog!?"
Translated, "He said: You son of a bitch, how come you are here... you do not know how to speak in Tagalog!?"
Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo's visa application in pronto.
(Taken from The Philippine Star (a newspaper in the Philippines), written by Boo Chanco)
Go LoLo...mabuhay ang Pinoy!!!
This is a true story taken from one of the most read newspapers in the Philippines.
A 70-year old 'lolo' from the province was accompanied by a grandson to the US Embassy in Manila for his VISA interview.
The lolo spoke not a word of English so the grandson translated for him.
The Consul told the young man to ask his grandfather why he wanted to go to the States.
"Bakit daw ho ninyo gustong pumunta sa Amerika?"
The grandson translated
"Sabihin mo gusto kong makita yung mga anak ko doon."
"He said he wants to see his children there."
Fair enough, that's what the lolo's application indicated.
The Consul had another question. "Ask him why does he have to go there? Why can't his children just come and visit him here?"
The grandson translated this in Tagalog.
Lolo replied: "Sabihin mo kasi dito pinanganak yung mga anak ko. Nakita na nila ang Pilipinas. Gusto ko namang makita ang Amerika bago ako mamatay."
(Translation: "Tell him, my children were born here. They've seen the Philippines already. I just want to see America before I die.")
The HEARTLESS Consul was unimpressed as he declared, devoid of any emotion, that he was rejecting the visa application "because the applicant was unable to speak any word of English."
"Reject daw yung visa ninyo kasi hindi daw kayo marunong mag-Ingles."
The lolo was equally unimpressed. "Sabihin mo ito sa kanya at huwag na huwag mong papalitan ang sasabihin ko: "Putang ina niya, bakit siya nandidito eh hindi naman siya marunong mag-Tagalog!?"
Translated, "He said: You son of a bitch, how come you are here... you do not know how to speak in Tagalog!?"
Taken aback, sense of humor still intact, the consul relented and approved lolo's visa application in pronto.
(Taken from The Philippine Star (a newspaper in the Philippines), written by Boo Chanco)
Go LoLo...mabuhay ang Pinoy!!!
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